This movie review contains sexual jokes, sexual actors, sexual links, and sexual movie critiques. Let’s talk about the movie Open Windows.
Starring Elijah Wood of Lord of the Rings fame, and also Sasha Grey of Pornhub fame, comes the film Open Windows, a ‘thrilling’ ‘movie’ about a man obsessed with an ‘actress’ who is ‘manipulated’ into harassing her, and then into being the ‘scapegoat’ for the person doing the actual harassing, via ‘hacking’. Again. Starring Sasha Grey of “[…] refuses to Obey and Fucks a Black Man Anyway” fame. That Sasha Grey.
The film is told entirely through computer screens, webcams, and other non-film cameras, ala War of the Worlds, starring Ice Cube of 21 Jump Street fame. Yes- the movie is entirely an on-screen affair, much like Sasha Grey’s entire career in sexual pornographic videos, who is the star of “Stocking Sluts – Scene 1“. The movie relies heavily on hacking being a magic, instantaneous, digital tool of omniscience and omnipotence, and also on characters being stupid and scared into doing stupid things.
I’ll tell you now, if you scoffed at the film Open Windows that starred Sasha Grey of “Loves taking dick” fame, I’ll have you know, she was not the issue with the movie. The gratuitous boobie scene was not the issue. It was the draw, yes, and placed incredibly strategically in the middle of the movie, but it was not the main detracting element of the movie.
As an aside, if you watched this movie because of Sasha Grey star of “Hot Small Tittied Brunette Loves Taking Dick”or because you expected her to bare boob in this specific, particular circumstance, you are either
a) a gooner of the most devious sort, or
b) a gooner of the most sophisticated sort.
Either way, you’re here for the boobs, and for that, you get bonked for not being a true a cinephile.
You’d get bonked because you came in hoping to see Sasha Grey of “Rims And Milks Raging Dark Cock!” fame acting like a typical pornstar, but Grey was the most competent member of the cast. Her acting was as good as it could get (given the script), and her character was shown to be clever and witty. She, at multiple points, outsmarts the villain to preserve herself.
No. The worst part of this movie was not Sasha Grey of “Can’t Get Enough In A Hard Threeway” fame.
It was Elijah Wood of Wilfred fame. The guy with big eyes and a boyish face who took the film world by storm in the legendary fantasy trilogy. The guy who my dad was like, ‘why’s he always dying’ fame. The actor who’s got a pornstar-sounding name. That guy. He sucked. So bad. Wood didn’t just phone it in. He didn’t just ham it up. It’s worse. He tried. And he sucked. Yeah, his character was written poorly and his whole schtick set him up to be a cowardly, whiney baby. But lordy lord- Wood was a real dick up the butt of this movie. He was… hard to watch. Is performance felt like a real cumshot. It was like the anal of acting. The prolapse of performing. The pronebone of putting in effort. The buttfuck of bad.
I’ve run out of porn categories I can alliterate with. For now.
Wood, on the other hand, was a helpless, whimpering mess in the first half of the film, a whimpering mess in the second half of the movie, and is completely minimized as a character by the twist in the climax- going so far as his actual face was blurred and pixelated as the movie came to a close. As an actor and as a character, Grey was fine. She wasn’t the issue.
So if you came in here hoping to laugh about a porn star doing movies, then you need to reexamine your beliefs about women and sex work.
Yeah. Open Windows was
BAD.
You were right, everyone who judges books by their cover! It was as bad as you expected- but not because of porn. That said, I urge you to take a look at Sasha Grey’s wikipedia page, and the sheer amount of artistic endeavors she’s used her fame to push herself into exploring.
85scenes Reviews 