Here we go, babes and baddies, let’s get into yet another biopic that I was strongarmed into consuming for the ‘gram. This time, we get nose to nose with Robert Pattinson in Primetime, which covers a moment in the life of Chris Hansen.
As Routine as 8pm
As far as movies go, Primetime does something not a lot of movies go out of their way to do: the movie looks really, very good. Plus, it never hurts to have an actor as capable and juicy as Robert Pattinson leading the charge, flanked by really fantastic performances from his costars, Skyler Gisondo and Merritt Weaver. It’s good. Primetime is good. Is it like, an all-time great? Don’t fuck with me, boy.
Do you guys remember Bird Box? That movie with Sandra Bullock about people who weren’t supposed to look at the big evil thing or whatever or it would kill them or something or turn them into zombies or… something… and there was a bird in a cage they needed to have. It came out hot on the heels of another horror film about being deprived of one of your bodily abilities: A Quiet Place. Remember how literally everyone and their mother’s son watched that shit on Netflix? Remember how immemorable and grey that movie was? That hype train is what I think Primetime bought a ticket for.
Like, don’t get me wrong. The movie isn’t bad by any means, and it is absolutely full of memorable visuals and scenes and dialogue and performances. It’s also not some crazy, narratively dense, morally complex tale. It’s more Oppenheimer and less Tony as far as biopics go. Did any of you think Oppenheimer was bad?
Legally-Obligated Contrarian Viralbait Hot Take
I know my review so far is one long verbal shrug so far, but I’d like to throw in a linguistic grimace to really prime you for Primetime. I wrote and published my review for Digger before this movie, even though I watched the former before the latter. Something something, cart, something something horse, something something hungry. I alluded to the cinematography being really good in Primetime, but there’s a bit of an asterisk I need to explain regarding the visuals
Ok. Here goes. Deep breath. Not me. You. You breathe. Breathe deep. Pop a chill pill. Do not be mad at what I’m about to say next. Ok? Ok. Do not watch Primetime in a movie theater.
Seriously.
Don’t.
Unless you want to study Pattinson’s pores for 109 minutes. Unless you want to count the eyebrow hairs on Skyler Gisondo’s face when you’re not poring over pores. What I mean by this is that the film severely overuses close ups through the movie’s entire runtime. I know it’s not 100% of every single shot, but good god almighty, there are a lot of close ups, over and over again. All that was missing was a knockoff Paul Greengrass shaky cam to really “drive” the “emotional” moments.
It’s so bad, dude. It is so so so bad. So if you watch Primetime in theaters, you’re going to spend an hour and a half the equivalent of face-to-face with Pattinson and crew, your head pressed back into your seat so you don’t have to smell his breath. Fuck.
That’s it. I don’t think there’s more substance to this movie than what I’ve covered. The rest you’ll discover on your own when you watch the movie, and I promise you will not need to watch an “ending explained” YouTube video.
I rate Primetime
YMMV
I saw it in theaters, so you don’t have to.
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