The movie ‘Keeper’ kept me from keeping with writing my reviews on a routine.
A short review for the not-short movie ‘Keeper’
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I was Put to Sleep by ‘The Sleep Experiment’
Fell asleep writing the review for ‘The Sleep Experiment’.
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Why ‘Ingrid Goes West’, but no Further
I couldn’t figure out how to mix in a ‘I thought you said weast’ joke into a review for a movie called ‘Ingrid Goes West’. Woe is me.
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A Very Serious, No Nonsense, Straightforward Review for the film ‘Open Windows’ starring Sasha Grey from the Porn
This is a very serious movie review of the cinematic, thrilling film ‘Open Windows’, starring two actors who somehow ended in the same movie.
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The Duality of the film ‘Terminal’
I really liked the Margot Robbie film ‘Terminal’, because it’s just so damn fun. It’s not ‘cInEmA’, it’s just good fun.
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Why ‘Lost Transmissions’ has Three People on its Poster
‘Lost Transmissions’ discusses mental health and how it effects the people around the affected. It’s good. Not great, but good.
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‘Passion’ of the ‘Sleeping Beauty’
Yet another combined review for two films, this time for the artsy ‘Sleeping Beauty’ and the Brian de Palma joint, ‘Passion’.
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‘God’s not Dead’, but I wish I was!
I know what this movie is about. It’s about the Christian god. It’s about Jesus and church and all that stuff. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the movie features a Muslim, burka-wearing woman who feels the need to listen to Christian scriptures in defiance of her middle-eastern…
Keep reading![[insert funny title for] ‘I, Tonya’](https://85scenes.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/i_tonya_2017_film.png?w=200&h=150&crop=1)
[insert funny title for] ‘I, Tonya’
The film ‘I, Tonya’ is a dark, funny, and clever film that’s deeply entertaining and certainly worth the watch.
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‘Black Bear’, Summarized
My best attempt at talking about the Aubrey Plaza movie, ‘Black Bear’.
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Americana Films: ‘Zola’, ‘American Honey’, ‘Wild Things’ and More!
Discussing ‘Zola’, ‘American Honey’, ‘Wild Things’ and other films that define the Americana experience.
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Ridiculing “Riddick”, and a Retrospective
This isn’t really a movie review as much as I’m just enjoying writing alliterative insults about Vin Diesel.
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A Comprehensive, Detailed Review for “We Have Always Lived in the Castle”
A rather long, and detailed review for the film adaptation of “We Have Always Lived in the Castle”.
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Should You Watch ‘Materialists’ With Your New Fiancé?
I watched the film ‘Materialists’ with the girl whom I had just proposed to. Did she say yes? Stay tuned!
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A Collection of Images from the 1984 “Dune”
I watched “Dune”, truly so you don’t have to. Because you shouldn’t. Don’t do it.
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What makes the movie “Gladiator” better than the movie “Fall Guy”
What better way to celebrate being laid off by watching a movie about ancient Roman Gladiators?
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9 to 11 Jokes about the Adam Sandler film “Reign Over Me”
Let’s talk about the film “Reign Over Me” and narrative terrorism.
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Why “Lamb” Was Nominated for Best Picture Awards
I had to exert a lot of self control when writing this review for the movie ‘Lamb’
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How the Movie “Son” Ties Together Zombies and Speed Racer
I watched an antichrist movie called “Son”, which features zombies and speed racer.
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A Quick Note on the Film ‘Emelie’
A quick and dirty review for the quick and dirty movie ‘Emelie’
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The 8 Subpar Movies that Preceded the Excellent ‘Incident in a Ghostland’
‘Ghostland’ was so good, it made me sit and write after 8 fricken movies.
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Why Folktales Should Fuel more Stories
It’s so rare that a story, in of itself, is enticing enough, convincing enough, entrancing enough, to exceed all other failures of a film. It’s difficult to write a story- I can tell you from experience. It’s so difficult to write a moral conundrum, a dilemma that leaves the…
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A review for ‘The Atticus Institute’ and not at all about any of the ‘Transformers’ movies
I really enjoyed The Atticus Institute. It reminded me of Skinamarink.
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A Weview fow the Movie ‘Awoken’ in Babytalk UWU
I’m sowwy fow witing dis weview in babytalk!
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Three ‘Carrie’ Movies- A Women’s Day Triple Review
I watched all 3 Carrie movies in a misguided attempt to celebrate international women’s day
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Why “The Circle” Only Circles a Theme
I promise this review is not just me making barking sounds, even though Emma Watson is in it
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Why movies like ‘Last Shift’ are worthy of your time
A justification of my love of shit movies in the context of 1995 booby movies and low-budget horror.
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Spoiling the End of “We Need to Talk About Kevin”
You should be proud of me for not titling this review “We need to talk about “We Need to Talk About Kevin””
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This is a Snappy Title for a “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” Movie Review
I think I put more effort into figuring out a snappy title for this review than they put into writing jokes in this movie.
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An Overcooked Review for ‘Burnt’
A very short, succinct, to-the-point review for Bradley Cooper’s ‘Burnt’, starring Alicia Vikander and Daniel Bruhl and Emma Thompson and Uma Thurman
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A Classic Best and Worst Movies of 2024 List
Wherein I write about five notable good movies, five notable bad movies, and then I keep writing because I have no hobbies.
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That’s so “Kraven”
“Kraven the Hunter” is really bad, poorly made, and a ton of fun if you bring friends.
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On “Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim” and Writing
I saw “LotR: The War of the Rohirrim” and got curious about what constitutes good writing.
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The movie “Silent Night” should have been more silent
You can watch the whole thing, or you can watch the second half. You won’t miss a thing.
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The movie “Napoleon” Is
ThIt’s a decent pass of time, but there’s better historical dramas out there.
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“Murder Manual” is a manual on murdering the audience’s brain cells
Poorly-filmed amateur horror anthology with an A-list star to trick you into watching it
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When you’re in space, no one can hear you “ISS” yourself
There are personal and practical reasons why I dislike the title of this film, so if my review comes off as mean, please don’t take it to mean that I disliked the film. I’m also being forced to type this review with my laptop opened at an acute angle…
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Why “The Empty Man” Feels Empty, Man
There was a reddit post, as there always is, that turned me onto this movie. Someone said “The Empty Man is underrated”. The first comment was “Go into it without any information”. So I said- ok. Seems promising. I didn’t think, I just did. I told two people that…
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Exactly how xenophobic is “Bad Boys: Ride or Die”?
If you miss Michael Bay movies, you’ll really like “Bad Boys: Ride or Die”
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Why “Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare” feels like Guy Ritchie is burning out
While promising, “Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare” ultimately fails to capture classic Guy Ritchie charm
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They made “Kung Fu Panda 4” the Money
If you liked the first few “Kung Fu Panda” movies, you will not like this one.
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“Sector 36” Movie Discussion
In which I discuss the Netflix film “Sector 36”. This film and review contains an earnest warning for those easily affected by disturbing themes.
Keep readingHow the “Good”, “YMMV”, and “Bad” Rating System Works
In my review for Indiana Jones: The Dial of Destiny, I delved into my realization that what I thought was dumb, my father though was excellent. This realization began in my review for the Twilight movies, where I admitted that those movies weren’t made to be for everyone. They…
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“The Buckingham Murders” does not take place in a town called “Buckingham” but actually a town called “Buckinghamshire” which, in my American opinion, is quite misleading, and should lead to a lawsuit Movie Review
This review can be done in a nutshell. It’s six hundred forty-six words long. The British and the Indians To clarify, this is an Indian film with British English and Hindi, and a slew of south asian and non-south asian actors. That The Buckingham Murders that takes place in…
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“Talk to Me”, but “Speak no Evil”
For a movie I didn’t particularly enjoy, I have a lot to say about it. As for the title, it is because I kept referring to this movie as Talk to Me- from when I asked the lady in the ticket booth until I started googling “James McAvoy Talk…
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What kind of person enjoys The Beekeeper, and why?
If you’ve ever wondered why someone would go out of their way to label themselves as a “cinephile” or purposely uses the word “film” when talking about movies, or watches foreign cinema that doesn’t involve song and dance sequences, it’s because they don’t want to be lumped into the…
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Why Sting is a terrible film to watch on an airplane
When you’re on a 10 hour flight and have to stay awake the whole time because you land in at 9am local time, what kinds of movies do you throw on your watchlist? Dumb action movies? Award winners you couldn’t be fucked to watch at any other time except…
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You’re in deep water if you’re looking to “Deep Water” for entertainment
There were only two redeeming qualities to “Deep Water” and saying them out loud would get me cancelled.
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Why Kristen Stewart makes “Personal Shopper” worth watching
I’ve had this movie on my list for a while, and threw it on because it was expiring on Hulu. I like Kristen Stewart and her performance in this film only solidified that she’s an incredible actress who cut and ran after getting her fat check from Twilight. The…
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Interesting ideas, no resolutions: “The Pod Generation”
“The Pod Generation” is a film built of an interesting concept, but lacks any sort of meaningful catharsis.
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“Reminiscence”: Not Action, Not Sci-fi, Not a Bad Movie
The film “Reminiscence” is not an action movie, nor necessarily a sci fi film, nor a noir. It’s a bit of all three, and that’s not a bad thing.
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Do Not “Cast Away” the “Life of Pi”
I did a double feature of “Life of Pi” and “Cast Away” and I’ve picked a favorite.
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The First Omen is worth your time
I think “The First Omen” was pretty good. Gory, creepy, and inventive!
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I Dare you to watch Daredevil
I’ve seen almost every superhero film. This one was really hard to get through.
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Wear earplugs when watching Uncut Gems
If you haven’t seen “Uncut Gems”, I suggest you do so on a calm night, with your comfort toy handy.
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“The Iron Claw” is not for feminists
So as a fan of artsy films, depressing films, and a casual fan of wrestling, my ultimate recommendation for “The Iron Claw” is… blah.
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No One Will Save You from ‘No One Will Save You’
I saw the alien horror film “No One Will Save You”. This dialogue-free film, while not formulaic, gets repetitive due to its lengthy run and narrative structure. The film’s unique storytelling, its dark humor are appealing, but the seemingly illogical alien behavior at the end leaves me undecided about…
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Top Gun: Maverick has the best opening of an action movie in a long time
Top Gun: Maverick benefits from a phenomenal opening that sets the tone for the rest of the film’s success.
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Dude, you gotta go watch V/H/S
I really liked V/H/S, even though it’s a ‘found footage’ horror film. Trigger warning: there is a lot of SA throughout this 6 short film anthology
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I hated hated hated Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore and so did you and everyone you know
I hated Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore and I know you did too. Let’s renumerate why.
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Why ‘Dad Films’ and Dial of Destiny helped me restructure my reviews
I’m changing how I rate movies. ‘Dial if Destiny’ was ok.
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‘Hypnotic’ is proof that Robert Rodriguez needs to retire from Hollywood
Robert Rodriguez keeps getting trusted to make movies and he destroys everything he touches.
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SPORTS, Success, and Superheroes: Why you don’t gotta worry about it
A quadruple review for The Room, Guardians of the Galaxy 3, and more!
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Help! My boyfriend is calling himself a cinephile- How can I cope?
Has your boyfriend ruined movie night? Does he ask you to talk about what the movie made you feel? Has he started using French words to talk about movies? Click here to find how 85scenes can help you navigate dating a newborn cinephile!
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We were the prey for ‘Prey for the Devil’
It was fine. I just like writing funny reviews with dick jokes. Please click. Thanks.
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Is ‘Inside’ pretentious or are we just uncultured?
I cannot tell if the Willem Dafoe film ‘Inside’ is good and deep and interesting or if it’s really dumb and empty.
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Why is there a movie called ’65’?
There are very few people who will enjoy the Adam Driver movie 65.
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Is the Alison Brie film Spin me Around any good? Is it? Is it really?
I disliked ‘Spin me Around’ starring Alison Brie and Aubrey Plaza because nothing at all happens in the movie at all. At all.
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Why you liked M3GAN but not Skinamarink
I really liked Skinamarink, but I will not recommend you watch it unless you’re a pretentious film snob.
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Using Reddit to Convince you to watch ‘Banshees of Inishirin’
I want to convince you to watch Banshees of Inishirin, but I’m going to do it in the most ineffectual way possible: via personal anecdotes and reddit links.
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Looks like Mystery is Back on The Menu Boys!
Get ready for milquetoast food puns as we talk about the lukewarm film ‘The Menu’
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Some thoughts and complaints about ‘Black Panther: Wakanda Forever’
A mixed bag of really good and really bad drives the final film of MCU’s Phase Five. Quite indicative of the overall phase itself.
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10 Reasons why you NEED to watch ‘Black Swan’
10 reasons why you NEED to watch ‘Black Swan’
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If you did not like Black Adam, it is your personal problem
Black Adam is like… really good, you guys, you don’t even know.
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The Smart Hulk (movie) that was too smart for its time
Ang Lee’s 2003 Hulk is too smart for its own good.
Keep readingComparing “Let the Right One In” and “Let Me In”
I don’t remember when, but I think I was talking about adaptations in one of my reviews. I distinctly remember making a reference to people trying to adapt a poem from a sculpture, or something stupid like that. I’m gonna talk about that shit in this DOUBLE FEATURE review…
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The Last Duel was made for annoying, self identifying cinephiles
‘The Last Duel’ is very pro-women, and as a manly man, I support this type of filmmaking wholeheartedly.
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Why The Woman King is basically Hunger Games
A review for The Woman King, and an unflattering comparison to The Hunger Games.
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3 Thousand Years of Longing? More like 3 Thousand Years of BORING lulz
Find out why George Miller likes him some FAT fuckin titties.
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Hulu’s “Prey” is the best action film of 2022
Hulu’s “Prey” is honestly one of the best action films of 2022.
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Do not watch “The Rental”, even though Alison Brie is in it
While it is tempting to watch “The Rental” simply because Alison Brie is in it, I can promise you that it is not worth the time.
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‘The Gray Man’ is another generic action flick with a modicum of character
I review the fittingly named film, “The Gray Man” for being very gray and unoriginal.
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Why 2012 film “Killing Them Softly” is still applicable in 2022
2012 film “Killing Them Softly” is still surprisingly and depressingly applicable to America in 2022.
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Anthony Hopkins shows tits in “The Rite”
Anthony Hopkins goes topless in unscary horror film “The Rite”, which feels basically like pro-Catholic propaganda.
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The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent – Movie Review
The Unbelievable Weight of Massive Talent is a meta-film based on legend Nicolas Cage, pulling together elements and nods to his massive filmography. It is a funny film, but Cage deserves a better homage.
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Is Nicholas Cage A Genius Or Maniac?
We’ve all pondered if Nicolas Cage is a capable actor or a maniac. I took the plunge and sampled the different faces of Cage, to define the enigma using films Outcast, Con Air, and Leaving Las Vegas.
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Florence Pugh’s other, less famous, horror film, “Malevolent”
Florence Pugh’s first venture into horror movies was less successful, less scary and more useless. It took me four attempts to watch the whole thing.
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“Everything Everywhere All At Once” is the perfect sequel to Jet Li’s masterpiece “The One”
The A24 film Everything Everywhere All At Once is a wonderful, colorful, bold and heartfelt film. It is undoubtably one of the best movies I have ever seen in my life.
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You could totally smash while ‘watching’ the 1989 “Pet Semetary” for a Netflix n Chill date
you should watch the 1989 Pet Semetary while smashing your Netflix and Chill date.
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“Green Lantern” was our first warning against future DC movies
Let’s bully “Green Lantern” for being atrocious and lazy.
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“The Bubble” is pure cringe
The Bubble is a money-laundering, nepotism-riddled, time-wasting scheme concocted to masquerade as entertainment, designed to appeal to the lowest, most brain-dead tier of Netflix viewers who’s idea of ‘funny’ is people’s nuts getting grabbed, drug addicts raping computer programs and women being manipulated by their ex husbands.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “Last Action Hero” is hella meta
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Last Action Hero is a meta-film soft breaks the fourth wall, allowing us to examine the ridiculousness of our heroes and is a commentary on how an optimistic, immature audience views the infallible American ultra-hero.
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Why “The Harder They Fall” not winning an Oscar is a damn shame
Idris Elba and Jonathon Majors star in a fantastic, true-to-genre western full of dramatic one-liners, unforgettable outlaws and a whole lot of gunfire.
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Why “My Cousin Vinny” is the best courtroom drama ever filmed
I really liked this movie. Joe Pesci is a fucking treasure, Marissa Tomei is a downright powerhouse, and director Jonathan Lynn demonstrated a mastery of visual comedy combined with quick, witty script comedy while still respecting the serious tone of the matter and delivery a legitimate film.
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The Problem with “Morbius”
Sony’s Morbius is a poor attempt at getting us to care about a worse depiction of vampires than Edward Cullens in The Batman.
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“The Sum of All Fears” is what it would look like if Batman fought Putin
The Sum of All Fears features man with two first names, Jack Ryan, and is about rising tensions between Russia and the USA. The Sum of All Fears is to the current political state of affairs as Contagion was to the COVID-19 pandemic.
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3 Reasons Why “War” is the worst that Bollywood has to offer
The Bollywood action film War starring hunks Hrithik Roshan and Tiger (*sighs*) Shroff. The film is a bullet-riddled, explosion-stuffed, CGI-polished ultranationalistic turd of a film that made a bajillion rupees in the box office and is part of a spy cinematic universe. If that doesn’t help you figure out…
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