For a movie I had so many thoughts about, I’m surprised how long I went before writing this review. I will warn you, if you know more than 3 slurs for Mexicans, you’re gonna wanna skip this movie. And my review. And probably me, too, dude, because who the fuck knows that many slurs for Mexicans?!
Immigration y Issues
Jesus fuck I’m still having a hard time writing. This isn’t writer’s block, it’s more like… the Mexican equivalent, y’know? Like… a non-medical condition, unable to produce new work; a creative slowdown. Y’know what real writer’s block is? Copy-pasting the first few lines from the Wikipedia entry for Writer’s Block.
The film The Valet is a heartfelt comedy where a lonely, lost, and half-characterized white girl is forced to hang out with an old Mexican loser immigrant, played by Eugenio Derbez, and learns the value of family. This film was also produced by Derbez, which… is key context.
Now, first things first, I did enjoy this film. The Valet reminded me of myself: the movie spits out 10 jokes, and only maybe 1 will land. It’s also really, really heartfelt. Much like me. It was also a little too long. Much like.
There’s a strong and effective message about finding family in friends, and even though I think the movie needed a heavy hand in the editing room, I was emotionally moved. I teared up at one point. It’s not easy to do that. Granted, I was also emotional about a thousand other things, but that this film was the last straw, I’ll still give it credit.
Derbez stars across Samara Weaving, who really carries this film, and they had really fantastic chemistry. Their portrayals were so natural that at one point, you start to worry that it’s not Weaving who’s in danger from a skeevy old man, but it’s Derbez who might need to plug his ears to the hot young siren. I mean this as a compliment. Both actors independently and through their chemistry, really sold the film. They were supported by a decent cast, and the ever effervescent, charming Max Greenfield, who plays a douchebag so, so well and we all love him for it.
Adding Lime to the Salsa
The 2022 film The Valet is a remake of the 2006 French film The Valet, which only looks like it has the same title, but the latter is far, far more pretentious. Because French.
However, other than sharing a premise, the 2022 film benefits from genuine and abundant thought added to the story. It’s not easy to do this, but the writers managed to include a lot of heart between the beats from the 2006 movie.
The titular valet is turned Mexican, with a really thick accent, which I felt compelled to double check was real. Not only is the valet Mexican, but he’s Mexican on purpose, as opposed to Mexican on accident. Derbez is surrounded by a family of, yes, more Mexicans (and a token diversity hire Puerto Rican). The family isn’t just there just for comedic purposes, but to give Derbez’s character a very well-rounded characterization. The ex-wife and the son are new additions, and both play into the film’s themes and plot very naturally. So naturally, in fact, that the love interest from ,the 2006 film, who’s also present in the 2022 film, feels like shawty came out of nowhere. Furthermore, the lawyer is also Mexicanized, and his late-film contribution was fucking stellar. The lawyer works for a real estate developer, who in turn is unapologetic about gentrifying the Mexicans’ neighborhood. That then comes back around to tie together all the characters and plots.
So that’s a lot. A lot of stuff, added to a movie which, back in 2006, was 86 minutes. A full 27 minutes shorter than the 2022 remake. That’s what being Mexican does to a m’fer.
Again, I think that they really needed to edit this film down to something a little more taquito-sized, but I also acknowledge that the movie would have lost a lot of emotional depth. Some of my favorite parts of the movie, ironically, could have been cut without dramatically altering the movie.
There’s these two private detectives who get a lot of screen time, and while they are important to the plot, I don’t think anyone would have been too bothered if the movie just turned them into faceless, wordless poltergeists. A camera-clad boogeyman. But these detectives and their scenes were fucking hilarious, and their the B-plot was sweet. What’s more, their story shared the same theme as the A-plot. It was fucking awesome. And it was totally unnecessary.
Frenching the Enchilada
Not to be an insufferable horndog about Samara Weaving, but truthfully I do want to study her acting journey aside from Ready or Not and Ready or Not 2: Here I Come and Ready or Not: Corporate Edition and Ready or Not: Demon Baby. I have no reason other aside from trying to become a better movie reviewer and film aficionado.
In fact, I really struggled with the sexualization in this film. Weaving plays a famous actress in The Valet, yes. She plays one of the most beautiful in the world, yes. But that doesn’t mean that her character needs to be boobed up visual candy. Things mean things. If the film wanted her to be sexualized, there had to have been a reason. Am I thinking too much into this? No. I can never think enough about women and the male gaze.
In the film the protagonists form a friendship, and the film ends with a cutesy little shot of them just being friends. I liked that. It’s refreshing for a film to not pair up its romantic comedy leads. It would have been a really indulgent character insert male fantasy movie if Weaving’s character did fall in love with Derbez. Given who produced the movie, I would have been like, “ok. I get it. Go get it amigo.”
Rather, the relationship between the leads is supposed to be rooted in friendship, apparently. So why the boobies. Why did we need a scene where Derbez has to witness Weaving drunkenly strip before passing out in his bed, and then awaken the next morning, stand up in her undies, and then get redressed? For comedy? Are boobies funny? NO. FUCK. NO. BOOBS ARE SERIOUS.
There’s another sexual scene later, which, for humor? Fine. Whatevs. I’m not mad about Weaving pretending to have wild sex, nor am I bothered by the fact that she cuddles with Derbez afterwards. What bothered me was Weaving saying, explicitly, “Why can’t I find a guy like you?”
It’s a significant statement, because she soberly admits that Derbez is literally the guy she wants. Did we really need to introduce that idea? Did we need to lean so acutely into the male fantasy theme?
See, two people can just take long walks by pretty lakes and watch TV with each others’ moms. That’s platonic. Friendship.
Or, two people can just take long walks by pretty lakes and watch TV with each others’ moms. That’s romantic. Dating.
I don’t disagree with the friendship-themed ending, nor do I think that Weaving needed to end up with anyone given her character’s journey. I just think that the whole “hot girl has to pretend to date ugly loser until she falls for him” thing needs to either be nipped in the bud, or indulged in. The film’s indecisiveness was my only thematic frustration with this movie.
Conclusión
Is The Valet one of the funniest movies ever? No. Is it the most Mexican movie ever? Also no. Is it worth watching? Yes. Just fold some laundry and do the dishes and knit a few sweaters while watching the movie- you’ll have the time.
I found the film endearing, enchanting, and heartfelt, and I really appreciated its theme about found family. The Valet is what you’d get if Vin Diesel made a Mexican-accented rom-com but without any action.
I rated The Valet
YMMV
I watched The Valet on Hulu.
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