Remember when I did a quadruple review when I watched all the Twilight movies? Ok I’m doing it again but for Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Nick Fury: Agent of Shield, and The Room. Place your bets on which film will be rated the highest.
A film critic’s fever dream
I’ve had a really interesting set of film experiences the past few days. It started on Thursday, when I went for a preview showing of Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 3. I usually go to MCU films on their Thursday opening night with a friend of mine, and we’d been looking forward to this one for a while. Then, I saw Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance on Friday while eating lunch. It was a rough watch. After that, while doing laundry, I found this 1998 film called Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD on youtube. I love SHIELD, so I watched the first half of it on 1.25x speed and turned it off when I finished my chores. I’ve wanted to go back to finish it, but only to finish it, and not because I enjoyed it. That same Friday night, I went to a 10:30pm screening of The Room at my local theater because Tommy Wiseau was going to be there and I wanted a picture with him because in my last post, I planned on including a photo with him.
I met Tommy. He was wonderful and asked me to spell my name three times and drew hearts when signing my copy of the script for The Room. When they started the film I was immediately confounded as the audience erupted in a thunderous chant of WATER WATER WATER.
I am not a professional film reviewer. I basically half ass these reviews and hit post on some shit that needs a serious grammar check. I don’t care. But when I watch a really terrible film, and I love watching really terrible films, I have so much fun tearing into them. Since some of my first reviews, I’ve enjoyed (probably too much) making fun of Vin Diesel and complaining that the film was bad, and have only just begun to find the merits of a film. Justifications. Clarifications. When I saw Ghost Rider, I could have approached the film with severe criticism for its uninspiring direction, blocky characters, overuse of tropes, or a lack of actual Ghost Rider shit. But instead, I ended up appreciating the bold use of camera work, Nick Cage’s overindulgences into mania, and the fact that Idris Elba couldn’t hold down an accent. I loved that the film tried to be as ridiculous as it could be without being graphic- a feat considering the guys who made this film also made Crank and Crank 2.
I’ve learned to take context into consideration. Is it just studio meddling that tanked a film? Was it my own expectations that were wrong? What was this film trying to say, and why didn’t it work? Was the film original? Was its message worth delivering? Was the message received?
After Gunn’s runaway successes with Guardians of the Galaxy 1 and 2, I had confidence that his third film would be up to par. As I think about it on a Monday morning however, I cannot, for the life of me, remember what the heck that movie was about. But I can remember every moment of The Room. And this difference in experiences amazes me.
There’s two things to take into context that you may or may not know about GotG and The Room.
The first is that when the early MCU films were released, leading all the way up to Avengers: Endgame, that Thursday night crowd would cheer and rave and laugh and whoop. It was a madhouse whenever something noteworthy happened. I will never forget the shared joy we all felt when Captain America grabbed that goddamn hammer and went to town with it. Or that catharsis when he finally said the words, “Avengers Assemble!” Or that confused, excited din when Vision hands Thor Mjolnir in Age of Ultron. The kinship I felt in that darkened room as I watched these stories and myths unfold with the hundred or so strangers that I did not speak to before or after was unrivaled. I felt like I belonged to a community of people who wanted the same things I did, who found joy in the same places as I. I felt none of that when watching GotG 3. I had forgotten that I’d seen the film.
That’s not to say that GotG 3 was bad, but as I mentioned earlier, it was… forgettable? Routine. Almost mundane. I don’t dislike the film, I’m apathetic towards it. No opinion.
But The Room? Wow.
A cinematic experience
The actual screening opened with a tongue-in-cheek advertisement for Wiseau-branded underwear (which was also on sale in the lobby with other merch). Two topless men played basketball in black and white as Wiseau intermittently appeared on screen wearing a wig, a clip reminiscent of a Tommy Hilfiger ad. Then another clip played, a sort of middle finger from Wiseau to the establishment and critics- a clip I cannot describe. Then the film started, and the chanting began. WATER WATER WATER. As the opening credits rolled, we were greeted with gratuitous shots of the San Francisco Bay, the man-made pond by the Palace of Fine Arts, and other water features. WATER WATER WATER. When we entered the living room, where much of the film takes place, the crowd exploded into cheers of SPOONS and people tossed handfuls of plastic spoons into the air. When anyone climbed the stairs, the entire crowd started stamping their feet.
This was it. This was that shared experience. This is what was missing.
The second bit of context is that The Room is infamous. Since its release in 2003, people have lauded it as one of the worst films ever made. And listing why it’s regarded as such feels disingenuous to the purpose of writing about it now. Instead, if you’ve never heard of The Room or why it’s bad, I present to you this clip to form your own initial opinions.
As my perspective as a reviewer has evolved, so has my feeling regarding my place in the relationship between the film, the filmmaker, and the audience. Each time I form a justification for mediocrity it is because I’ve come to realize that there are real people with real emotions actually reading what people write about their work. When I wrote about 2020, a short film made by Stephen Ford, he responded. When I wrote about Skinamarink, a long film made by Kyle Edward Ball, he responded. When I talked about the short film Aso, filmed by Daniel Hillel-Tuch, he responded. People are reading. Real people.
Does the fact that the object is being observed change the outcome of the experiment? Quantum physics says yes. When you observe the electrons, their behavior is different than if they were not observed. Are my reviews biased now because I consider that the filmmakers may be reading them? I think they are. I’m not giving bad films more leeway, but I am realizing that there is a difference between bullying and critiquing, and there is no adverse effect on the humor of my reviews. I can still make dick and boob jokes. I can still write ironic, self deprecating humor. I can do all of that and not be a dick to the people who put in the time, effort, and sometimes passion into their art.
Except when I went to see The Room, the chanting and stomping felt like veiled bullying. If Wiseau’s filmmaking amateurity revealed itself via repetitive, overlong panning shots of the Golden Gate Bridge, was it reasonable to chant Go Go Go every time it happened? Was that girl heckling every scene from the back of the theater a reasonable reaction to continuity errors? I mean, Tommy was fucking right there, yo. He was sitting right there. And then I realized something incredible. Tommy didn’t give a fuck. Tommy doesn’t care if you don’t understand. Tommy isn’t trying to justify any of his decisions.
An artist’s success
Tommy Wiseau didn’t care that the crowd would jeer every time someone left the door open, or yell SPORT every time there was a nonsensical scene where people were playing football five feet from one another.
Or when characters would nonchalantly brush off the news that their mother had cancer.
Or never again mention the fact that a drug dealer had threatened someone with a gun.
His work was being celebrated and enjoyed and marveled at and talked about. Even 20 years after the film’s release, I was sitting in a packed theater full of people who genuinely enjoyed the experience: mind, body, and soul. He had succeeded. Tommy Wiseau had made a film with such a profound impact on his audience that my role as a film reviewer had been made obsolete. Tommy Wiseau had overcome and obliterated his opposition. Tommy Wiseau is that guy. He is him.
James Gunn, for all of his success with GotG and The Suicide Squad may never achieve this level of sheer impact. GotG 3 will not be screened in a local theater to a sold out crowd and celebrated with props and practiced clamor two decades after release. Four days after a much-anticipated premiere, I forgot what the movie was about. And I did go back and refresh my memory online, and upon that reminder I admit that there’s a lot to GotG 3 that is worthy of merit and discussion. Baby Rocket is adorable, the film is dark and brave and there’s certainly effort put into telling an emotional, impactful story. It’s not like the film is unworthy of any success, but the film is still vulnerable to people like me. I can fill the void of audience desire with my 3rd grade humor and inexpert commentary on narrative structure. I can’t do that with The Room. I don’t want to do that with The Room.
Yeah, he looks like that.
A film experience like the one I had in that local theater was an experience that was a rare, fleeting one. An experience that does not need a critic to mar or preempt. I can only encourage you to try to form your own opinion of the film, the experience of watching the film, of interacting with the film. I’m not trying to say that I’ve had some earthshattering epiphany about my hobby and I will never review a film again. I guess I’m just trying to say that sometimes, “Don’t worry about it!”
| Film | Rating |
| The Room (in a vacuum) | 2/10 |
| The Room (in a theater viewing) | 8/10 |
| Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 | 6/10 |
| Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance | 3/10 |
| Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD | will update if I ever finish it |
You cannot readily stream The Room, but that’s probably for the best. The film is played in numerous theaters, from the Balboa Theater in San Francisco, to the Prince Charles Cinema in London.
GotG 3 is theaters now and will inevitably be available on Disney+.
Ghost Rider is available on most popular streaming services.
Nick Fury can be found on Youtube.
85scenes Reviews 
Leave a comment