I used my twitter feed as a guide to write this review, as I used my friends’ patience as a sounding board for my livestreamed mania as I blundered through The Tomorrow War, furiously screaming into the abyss of the internet, eager for someone's attention - or better yet, validation. Best case scenario, Chris Pratt... Continue Reading →
I hated this movie. It was so forced and plastic and loud. So loud. Boom People worship Cartoon Network. They love crap like Ed Edd and Eddy and Chowder and Flapjack. Look. You’re not wrong for liking what you like and I adore the fact that people my age have a different favorite show than... Continue Reading →
So this review took a while to write, but that’s because I was home with family, and I just didn’t think about the movie I’d watched. Creed 2 wasn’t a bad movie, but it wasn’t mindblowing either. If there’s one thing that Stallone knows how to do with these movies, it’s to make the audience... Continue Reading →
The last time I cared about a zombie-based media was the final season of Game of Thrones, where the big bad guy gets nerfed by a random little girl hiding in a tree. Before that was The Walking Dead, which is apparently still… on air? Snyder’s Army of the Dead is the first time I... Continue Reading →
This review concerns the Joss Whedon led and edited 2017 release of Justice League. I wrote this review shortly after release, and these are my restructured thoughts, edited for readability. Justice League is such an incredible movie, because I am unable to determine if it was bad or not. I can’t figure out if I... Continue Reading →
Tonight I wasted my time by watching a movie called Bloodshot, starring our favorite gravel-voiced, hunky, sexy, big dicked macho muchacho, Vin Diesel. I am unabashedly in the middle of a Diesel marathon, and my blood is pumping and my dick is insecure. I can never measure up to this man, figuratively, literally or cinematically. Let... Continue Reading →
This movie is a ton of goofy fun. It’s based on a video game series that revolves around fighting and very gory kill scenes and cheesy catch phrases and it does not give a fuck about you or your grandma. Given that this movie was made to bring the game to a different entertainment medium,... Continue Reading →
Lakshya is an Indian Bollywood movie about a slacker who decides that his life’s objective is serving his country’s safety and security, at the cost of this luxury lifestyle. The main character is played by Bollywood heartthrob Hrithik Roshan, and man does he play this role to perfection. Lakysha is the Hindi word for objective.... Continue Reading →
LMAO THIS FUCKIN MOVIE. I wanted some kind of coherent action. I wanted entertainment. I wanted a story. Instead I got a clusterfuck of explosions, angry music, bad accents, cliche antagonists and shitty one liners delivered by my favorite potato. People think I’m hard on Vin Diesel. They’d be wrong because I’m actually hard for... Continue Reading →
“The State of the Union is strong!” xXx: State of the Union is the worst movie I’ve seen since the original xXx. And I’m sure you remember my review of that movie. I loved it. I want to say a lot about this movie, but all of it is negative. Don’t watch this movie. There... Continue Reading →
85scenes Reviews 