Tonight I wasted my time by watching a movie called Bloodshot, starring our favorite gravel-voiced, hunky, sexy, big dicked macho muchacho, Vin Diesel. I am unabashedly in the middle of a Diesel marathon, and my blood is pumping and my dick is insecure. I can never measure up to this man, figuratively, literally or cinematically. Let... Continue Reading →
LMAO THIS FUCKIN MOVIE. I wanted some kind of coherent action. I wanted entertainment. I wanted a story. Instead I got a clusterfuck of explosions, angry music, bad accents, cliche antagonists and shitty one liners delivered by my favorite potato. People think I’m hard on Vin Diesel. They’d be wrong because I’m actually hard for... Continue Reading →
“The State of the Union is strong!” xXx: State of the Union is the worst movie I’ve seen since the original xXx. And I’m sure you remember my review of that movie. I loved it. I want to say a lot about this movie, but all of it is negative. Don’t watch this movie. There... Continue Reading →
Why is every Vin Diesel movie about Vin Diesel being the most macho dude he can be? If you’re a feminist, a millennial, or someone with standards, don’t waste any time watching this movie. If you’re twelve, really like guns and fast cars and hot girls, yeah, maybe you’d like this movie. If you’re Vin... Continue Reading →
Ayo someone fucked with your movie, and now there’s no movie. Beginning. Middle. End. Characters, growth, change, relationships. Humanity, connection, failure. Two hours, two hundred million dollars. Make it happen. That’s the basic formula to any blockbuster ensemble movie from the past ten years. Fan4tastic is only seven years old. Do you know what else was... Continue Reading →
It’s hard to look at the Terminator franchise without talking about the others in the series, and it’s especially hard to talk about the direction of the story without talking about the story of the original. The entire concept is grounded in such a nonlinear fantasy mechanic that it negatively influences nearly any entry... Continue Reading →
85scenes Reviews 