I started this review blog three years ago when I got tired of texting my friends the same stuff over and over again about what I thought about a movie. At the time, I’d seen almost 1200 of them- I’m now just past 1500. I watch a lot of TV. It’s how I was raised. It’s in my blood, it’s a hereditary hobby. To justify staring at the screen for so long, and to justify my enjoyment of really, really trash movies, I figured I’d write about them. Write about the film’s narrative structure, filming techniques, cinematography, the enjoyment factor, its flaws, its messages. At least that way, I had something to show for my Cinemark Platinum Club member status.
Credibility
Hollywood may be a cesspool of disgusting moneygrubbing suits and executives, but hell if I’m not a sucker for literally everything they produce. From thrillers to romcoms, superhero flicks to absolute trash nonsense CGI dick busting crapfests, I’ll watch it. I’ll expect some modicum of talent in front of or behind the camera, but that’s all it takes. I love a good story. As to my professional expertise, when I started this blog, I had seen nearly one thousand two hundred movies. I counted. In a spreadsheet. I’m a maniac. Of those, I’d written a review for about 126 of those movies (I haven’t posted all of them yet- and maybe I won’t post the old ones, because they’re so, so different than my new ones). I’ve taken exactly four (4) courses on film, and read almost two (2) whole books about filmmaking. Skimming counts. Giving up on chapter 2 also counts.
Frequency, Quality and Ratings
Over the next few time periods I plan on publishing writing reviews about all or most of the films I watch. The following items cannot be guaranteed: the quality of writing, the quality of movie reviewed, the quality, or quantity of humor. I am funny now, I may not be funny in my review for Schindler’s List. Maybe. I also cannot guarantee, in hindsight, coherence of thought, grammatical consistency, or spelling.
I’ll tell you if the movie is smart or dumb, classy or trashy, quirky or grey, boring or interesting, topical or xenophobic. I’ll discuss, to the best of my ability, filmmaking techniques, cinematography, and score as they create a series of moving images that tell a story. Some reviews will be simple reports, some will turn into film theory monologues. Reviews used to be score out of 10, but I have since shifted to a more qualitative school of thought when ‘rating’ a film.
FAQ
Where does the name ’85 Scenes’ come from? What does it mean? Will I stop after 85 reviews? Which scenes are being referred to?
The answers are: nowhere, nothing really, no I won’t, and no scenes.
Plug
If you make movies and want someone to help you direct or shoot them, I am quite happy to help. I am also open to commissions for reviews, custom short stories, and written works in general. I would happily be a guest writer on your website, magazine, zine, or bathroom wall. I’m also free weekends if you need help moving.
Apologies in Advanced
My sincerest apologies to any actors, artists, or individuals for making fun of you in my reviews. I know you’re a wonderful person and your contributions to film, cinema, and the world are invaluable. I mean all jests to your public persona, not who you really are.
85scenes Reviews 